I woke up this morning in a bad mood. No reason – maybe I’m having sugar and booze withdrawal. But there it was.
Partner then annoyed me. So I went for a walk on the beach and one dog annoyed me. Came home and partner left within a few minutes to go surfing. Which annoyed me again. Had a teaspoon of peanut butter and went into town to change some faulty headphones.
So there I am with my dogs in town and decide to walk along the river and test new headphones. All I can think about is having a cold glass of wine and a large cookie. I literally cannot think of anything else.
Came home and cut off some ham pieces and had a cup of tea. I’m alone which is always problematic – is difficult to binge when others are around so it would be ideal time to do so now. I’m also cross so thinking what’s the point of denial – why don’t I just drink that bottle of wine and eat the whole pack of cookies. That’s what I want. Let’s not pretend I can actually stay sober. And one little glass won’t matter. Although it never is one glass…
Thoughts are weird: I know it won’t help. I’m cross at my partner for no real reason and my instinct is to spite myself and eat/drink. Why? No idea. Yet I’ve resisted. I can’t believe I have resisted, but I have.
The day is still early yet it feels like a minor victory. The greater picture means more. And I know my thoughts aren’t always in my favour. Yet they don’t have to control me. I can say no.